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| Summer 2011 Issue |
A Quarterly Publication of Adoptions From The Heart
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The adoption journey is lifelong. It begins the moment the decision is made to build a family through adoption and continues each day that follows. Each phase of the journey will bring new challenges, so regardless of what stage of the adoption process families are in, whether it's pre or post, AFTH's Ed Series goal is to strengthen families by empowerment through knowledge. Click here for class descriptions, dates, times and locations. Cindy is one of 127 women who worked with Adoptions From The Heart this past year to make an adoption plan for her infant. Here is Cindy's story: Cindy immediately began seeking work. Times are tough and despite being willing to do any kind of work, Cindy was having great difficulty finding openings. After paying rent with unemployment compensation, Cindy was left with only $40/month to cover transportation, food and phone. What would you do with $40? How long could you live on $40/month? Donation from people like you helped Cindy! Cindy was ONLY ONE of the women needing help from the Birthmother Fund this year. Shandi & Brian - homeless marred couple, staying in tent on a plywood platform in park, living on food stamps, using local day center to shower and network for jobs, walking 3 miles each week to sell plasma for $25. (AFTH donated two bikes - couple able to travel for job opportunities, plasma donation and food) Jan - diabetic, high risk pregnancy, kicked out of home at 7 months pregnant and living in shelter (AFTH provided for housing expenses) Brittani - living in a domestic violence shelter, unpaid maternity leave from job and unable to pay move-in costs for transition housing, deadline for housing opportunity fast approaching (AFTH covered move-in costs from shelter to apartment) Kara - Suffering from post-partum depression, boyfriend lost job, about to be evicted (AFTH provided counseling for Kara and helted with utilities and back rent so they could keep their apartment.) Crystal - 2 children at home, not able to work last month of pregnancy, unable to pay utilities (AFTH provide food and covered costs of utilities for the month) In this economy, more often than not, the financial need of birth parents far exceeds the ability of adoptive parents to offer support and AFTH cannot provide for every birth mother in need without help from donors like you. The women needing financial help varies; the need for donations from adoption supporters like you is urgent and the need is now. Please think about your ability to give and remember Cindy's story of living on $40/month and how a little extra help from your donation can go a long way. Based on the average needs AFTH sees...
The generosity of donors is always appreciated no matter the size of the donation. The assistance provided is life changing to the women in need of a little extra help. You heard the stories of the women who were in need of assistance this past year. Partner with AFTH and make a donation for women who will be in need this coming year. Help AFTH today as our need to replenish the dwindling birthmother fund is now. DONATE NOW
The Early Growth and Development Study is a national ongoing study of birthparents and adoptive parents and provides insight into birthparent’s choices and the things that influences those decisions. When choosing a particular family to adopt the child, it was “pretty important” or “very important” that:
When birthparents were deciding to make an adoption plan, it was “pretty important” or “very important” that:
SOURCE: Early Growth and Development Study, grant R01 HD042608, NICHD and NIDA, NIH, U.S. PHS. Imagine falling into a well and the only way out is to grab onto a rope offered by a caring and supportive adult. This adult offers you safety and security and you are drawn towards their kindness. You have faith they will protect you and you trust them to do as they promise so you grab the rope and begin to climb to safety. You feel elated and cannot believe that another human could be so respectful and take responsibility for your well-being Suddenly, as you are half way up the rope, the adult begins to let go and you are suspended in mid-air trying to determine what happened. You are flooded with a sense of defeat, betrayal, and loss. Immediately you think perhaps the helper might be in danger and you wonder if they are alright. Then you wonder if you did something wrong to cause the problem. You could be hanging there suspended for a few seconds, a minute, an hour, a day, or weeks…. Now put yourself in the place of a birth parent who is promised future pictures, letters, and visits when an adoption plan is made. As a person in crisis, you want what is best for your child and you make the ultimate sacrifice to be sure your child is safe and protected. You feel very pleased there is an agency like Adoptions From the Heart with a philosophy that is respectful and caring of your needs both now and in the future. You are reassured by the caring and supportive staff at the agency that a promise is a promise and you are so glad pregnant women are no longer treated as they were in earlier times. It is great to be treated with dignity and respect….but what if you were promised pictures, a letter, or a visit and the adoptive family did not respond? On the very first day this law took effect, Adoptions From the Heart had the first birth and adoptive family submit their future contact agreement at the Lancaster County Court House before Judge Hoberg. Since that time, all parties have been very satisfied with the outcome. They had planned to exchange pictures and letters and visit on a mutually agreed upon date, time, and location. They expressed their satisfaction with the new law and there is a mutual respect between the birth and the adoptive family. Now, no one feels like they are hanging from that rope in the middle of a well! Recently, the Central Pa Office held a training to answer questions about the new law. If you have any further questions about how this could affect you, please do not hesitate to call your social worker for more details. NEW JERSEY- NJ Adoptee Birth Certificate Bill Vetoed In this age of Open Adoption, most members of the adoption triad are agreeing to exchange confidential information and this has not stopped pregnant women from choosing adoption. To the contrary, many studies have shown open adoption actually gives birthmothers more peace in their decision. For those birthparents who do not want their names accessed, S-799 has a clause permitting birthparents to request that the Registrar of Vital Records redact their names from the birth certificate. In states where similar legislation has been enacted, less than 1% of birth parents have actually taken this route. And despite birthparent organizations agreeing with the adoptee groups who say that birthparents were never promised anonymity, Christie vetoed the bill and is said to instead favor another bill pushed by the Catholic Church which will require adoptees to pay an intermediary to try to contact the birthparents before allowing access to the original birth certificates. N.J. Catholic Social Services has done fewer and fewer adoptions each year and is going out of the adoption business entirely. Many of the adoptions that would be affected by this bill were done privately and attorneys certainly did not make a promise of anonymity. This bill’s veto was a grave injustice to adoptees especially when many states are now passing legislation to sanction agreements between adoptive and birth parents to remain in contact. Governor Christie, how about passing a bill that secures adoptees’ rights too? RHODE ISLAND- On June 20th, the Rhode Island House unanimously approved a bill (S 0478 Sub A) allowing adult adoptees to obtain copies of their original birth records, with some restrictions introduced by the Senate before its approval. The final measure has been sent to Governor Lincoln Chafee, who has six days to veto the legislation, sign it, or allow it to become law without his signature. Openness promotes family conversation and adoption identity - A longitudinal study of openness in 184 families involving in-depth interviews and questionnaires – when adopted youth were adolescents and again as young adults - found that contact with birth relatives assisted adopted persons in their development of a coherent adoptive identity, in part because this contact promoted more frequent adoption-related conversation within the adoptive family. Agency’s 23rd Summer Picnic There were many new families in attendance this year, with babies everywhere. It is always great to see new families who are just starting the adoption process and families who just received placements as well as families who have been coming for years - one family celebrated their 19th year with the agency! Families enjoyed the infectious reggae music by the Raucous Brothers, stellar face painting, Jack and Jill ice cream, wonderful crafts donated by Scholastic Inc. and lots of fun with Tom’s Music. Five lucky families won raffles this year including our three children's raffle baskets. An adoptive couple with their newly placed twins won a much needed week-long vacation! And their children’s birthmother won the 50/50 cash prize...talk about lucky! We would like to thank all of our families who came out to celebrate adoption with us for making this event wonderful. We hope to see you again next year! A special thank you to our major event sponsors: Wegmans, Whole Foods Market, & Scholastic, Inc. and to all the companies that made donations: Comcast, SoJo Radio, Wawa, Giant, Genaurdi’s, BJs, Pepperidge Farm, Herr’s, Hershey’s, Rita Roitman, and Yellow Pages and Internet Marketing Corp. (Michael Offord) Virginia Annual Summer Picnic Connecticut’s Annual Adoption Picnic AFTH is listed as a donor option and is eligible to receive contributions through the United Way Donor Program. Your United Way contribution to AFTH will help us to continue our service to adoptive families and birthparents.We greatly appreciate your support! Every gift helps women, children, and families. How to Make a Contribution to AFTH Through the United Way Donor Option Plan:
Snowflakes: A Flurry of Adoption Stories by Theresa Kellher- This collection of stories is great for anyone who has a connection with adoption. It gives insights from the perspective of children and teens as well as other family members. This book allows you a peek into life before, during and after adoption: the happy, the sad, the challenging, and the delightful. It's unique because it tells about adoption from the viewpoint of children and teens who have been adopted. AFTH price $21.00 The Brotherhood of Joseph: A father's Memoir of Infertility and Adoption in the 21st Centuryby Brooks Hanson- This book offers men a chance to be heard and women the rare opportunity to view the struggle with infertility from the male perspective. It addresses the anger, frustrations, heartbreak and sense of helplessness involved in the struggle with infertility. AFTH price $26.00 HC. What I Want My Adopted Child to Know: An Adoptive Parent's Perspective by Sally Bacchetta- This book gives a tender, revealing look at adoption from the parent perspective, covering the joys and challenges that are unique to adoptive parenting. Bacchetta reminds her children "You're not unique because your adopted. You're unique because you're you!" She also acknowledges that adoption has a life-changing impact on everyone involved - the child, birth parents, adoptive parents, and the extended family on both sides. It is rare to find a book that takes the specific and applies it to the general in such a way. A must read for adoptive parents and those considering adoption. AFTH price $13
Don’t forget the AFTH Pittsburgh Office will be hosting their 11th Annual Picnic on Friday, August 5 at Idlewild and Soak Zone! Deadline for registration is July 22nd. See the registration form in newsletter insert. Our next big agency event will be held at Sahara Sams Oasis in West Berlin, NJ on October 16th. Beginning at 11am, come join AFTH for a Splashtastic Good Time! Registration deadline is October 1. For more information see newsletter insert or visit www.afth.org and click on the News & Events section to register. Twice a year, AFTH hosts education classes specifically designed for the needs of adoptive families. Fall classes include: Building Relationships with Birthparents, Infant and Older Baby Care, Open Adoption Q & A, and several offices are holding Hair and Skin Care Demonstrations for Transracial Families. See the newsletter insert for class details and locations. An important announcement to all of our families residing in Pennsylvania or families who have been placed and are using PA law... In the past, voluntary future contact agreements made between adoptive and birthparent in PA were based on the honor system and were not legally binding, until now. On October 27, 2010, Pennsylvania Governor Edward Rendell signed Senate Bill 1360 Post-Adoption Contact Agreements into law. The new law, which went into effect on April 27, 2011, now makes the voluntary contact agreements for both public and private adoptions official and legally binding when filed with and approved by court. Families should have received a notification letter from their AFTH social worker explaining the new ACT 101 law. Please sign and return these letters to your local office as these signed letters are new required by our state licensing. If you have any questions or concerns regarding the ACT 101 law, please contact your social worker who would be happy to review the details. Due to this new law, AFTH has updated the profile key for waiting families to include the question “how many legally enforceable visits families are willing to have with the birth parent they are matched with”. All waiting families are asked to fill out a new profile key and return it to their AFTH office as soon as possible. This ensures that a family is being shown for only the appropriate situations AFTH is excited to announce that this fiscal year has been another success! We have placed 161 children in loving homes and we congratulate all the families and thank them for opening up their hearts to adoption! To all of our placed families: we continue to see an increase in the need for financial assistance to aid the pregnant women we are counseling. This year AFTH reaches out to placed families, friends, and adoption supporters to consider offering what you can as a donation to our Birthmother Fund. Every penny donated to the Birthmother Fund aids pregnant women working with AFTH who are struggling to provide for their basic needs such as food, clothing, and shelter. All donations, no matter what amount, are graciously accepted and are tax deductible. To see how donations made to the Birthmother Fund have directly helped women in need over this past fiscal year, see “Living on $40 a Month” article. The Embryo Education Program is new and improved! Heartbeats is now offering an Embryo Education Series. Our four-part education series is designed for those considering embryo placement as well as those already in programs. Since embryo placement is a relatively new concept, there are many questions families, friends and children born from embryo placement will have and our webinar series is designed to assist families with answers to those questions. The Heartbeats Embryo Education Series is one of the only detailed education courses available that is designed specifically for the needs of families pursuing embryo placement and includes vital education covering the issues and concerns for after a child is born as well as provides resources to continue to use as the child grows up. INTRO TO EMBRYO PLACEMENT - $35 THREE COURSE SERIES (PART II, III, IV): - $105 Part III: Importance of Talking with your Child born through Embryo Placement Part IV: How Do I tell my Child about Embryo Placement? Webinars are held quarterly and additional reading material and resources will be provided for the three course series. Visit the online calendar of events for details and to register. CHINA Four AFTH families arrived home in April with their children from China! As is the present case for all families seeking to adopt children (without identified special needs) from China, these families were in process for more than 5 years by the time they brought their daughters home. AFTH extends its congratulations, and is now providing Post-Adoption services for them. Five additional AFTH families received and accepted referrals from China in June of 2011. These families all look forward with great anticipation to traveling to China to adopt their daughters. The China Centre for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA), formerly known as the China Centre for Adoption Affairs (CCAA), has published updated guidelines on Home Study reporting and Post-Placement tracking. For Home Studies, the CCCWA has added requirements regarding reference letters, adoption training, and evaluation of prospective adoptive families. These requirements will apply to new adoption applications that arrive (ie. are “Logged-In”) in China after October 1, 2011. Regarding Post-Placement reporting, the CCCWA will be requiring supporting documentation regarding children’s health and education, as well as additional photographs of children. Further, in addition to the two Post-Placement Reports that had formerly been required for each case at 6 and 12 months following the adoption of a child, China will now be requiring a total of six Post-Placement visits, scheduled at 1, 6, 12, 24, 36, and 60 months following children’s adoptions. These new Post-Placement guidelines will apply to families that receive Travel Authorization (to go to China to adopt their children) after August 1, 2011. Of note for many AFTH families, these new CCCWA guidelines do not apply to adoptions that have already been completed. Ethiopia As had been feared, the Ethiopian Ministry of Women’s, Children’s, and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA) has drastically reduced its pace of processing of inter-country adoptions to all countries around the world. This reduction may be by as much as 90% by comparison to the number of such cases processed last year. In 2010, more than 2,500 Ethiopian children were adopted by American families. With this figure expected to plummet in 2011, many of the more than 3,000 “waiting” American families that have filed petitions to adopt from Ethiopia with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services seem likely to face protracted adoption processes. Kyrgyzstan Processing of inter-country adoptions from Kyrgyzstan was halted in October of 2008, by the Kyrgyz government due to concerns regarding its adoption system. On May 6, 2011, President Otunbaeva signed into law an amendment to the Family Code to enable the government to establish new adoption regulations, and tasked the government to bring legislation into conformity with this new law within 3 months. This is hopeful news, although it remains uncertain as to when new adoptions from Kyrgyzstan may proceed. Russia -Government officials from the U.S. and Russia continue to work toward a bilateral agreement between the two countries on cooperation in the field of inter-country adoption. It had been expected that U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton would go to Moscow to sign such a treaty in May. However, as is sometimes the case with like things, this signing was postponed, possibly to July. The specifics of any new requirements under a bilateral agreement are not yet confirmed. In the meantime, adoptions between Russia and the U.S. continue to be completed under existing guidelines. South Korea South Korea’s Ministry of Justice set rules making it possible for adults who were adopted from South Korea to obtain dual citizenship in South Korea and the country in which they grew up. This change came from an amendment to the law on citizenship; in mid-April, 19 adoptees gained dual citizenship. Dual citizenship is something that has long been offered to international adoptees by foreign countries such as Russia and Ukraine, but not by many other countries. Ukraine -On June 8, 2011, the President of Ukraine signed a new law regarding adoption. Per this law, which goes into effect on July 11, 2011, authority to process adoptions will shift from the Ukrainian State Department on Adoptions (SDA) to the Ukrainian Ministry of Social Policy. To allow time for transitioning of responsibilities, Ukraine has announced that, as of July 11, there will likely be a temporary suspension of adoption processing. The duration of such a suspension is presently unknown. When adoptions resume under the auspice of the Ministry of Social Policy, only Ukrainian children age 5 and older will be eligible for inter-country adoption. Additionally, orphaned children will need to be eligible for at least one year for adoption within Ukraine, prior to such children becoming available for international adoption. Exceptions to this can include: - An adoptive parent is a child’s relative - A family adopts a sibling group, in which at least 1 of the children meets the age and eligibility requirements - A family adopts siblings of previously adopted children - A child suffers from one of the diseases from the “special” list of the Ministry of Health (The current list includes children with Down syndrome, HIV, and a few other serious health conditions. It is possible that it will be amended to include more types of special needs.) Vietnam Since 2008, it has not been possible for American citizens to apply to adopt orphans from Vietnam. On May 8, 2011, Vietnam’s new adoption law went into effect. Vietnam continues in its efforts to implement the new law, toward its goal of ratification of the Hague Convention. The U.S. Department of State (USDOS) projects that the Convention could enter into force in Vietnam as early as November of 2011. Once this should occur, USDOS would then evaluate whether it feels the procedures leading to the adoption of a child from Vietnam conform to the standards of the Convention, and of the U.S. Intercountry Adoption Act. While Vietnam’s recent steps are welcomed by USDOS, adoptions between Vietnam and the U.S. remain closed at this time, and it remains uncertain as to when they may resume. Any questions regarding AFTH’s international adoption services can be directed to Sam Wojnilower at SamW@afth.org or by phoning AFTH’s Main Office at 610-642-7200. Finding and keeping good childcare can be a seemingly endless struggle. Selecting childcare is a very personal matter, one that many parents spend hours on, researching available options and seeking recommendations from family and friends. Many people don’t really understand the au pair program and don’t know that an au pair can be a very affordable, quality childcare option. If you are open to a live- in situation, an au pair might just be what you’ve been searching for. “I did the math (in-home care for less than $8 per hour) and realized that I would be saving $19,000 annually by trading in my nanny for an au pair” said Melisa Barlow, a host mom on Cultural Care Au Pair’s program. “The savings motivated me to seriously consider a live-in when I hadn’t before.” Melisa’s family has had 4 au pairs and was initially attracted to the program because of the affordability, but continues because of the greater flexibility and the meaning that cultural exchange has brought to her family. What is an au pair? The definition of an au pair is "on par" or equal, based on the idea that an au pair becomes like a member of the family. Au pairs are young adults ranging in age from 18-26 and that arrive in the United States on a J-1 Visitor Exchange Visa. They typically come for one year, but can extend their stay to two years. Au pairs hope to acquire a better understanding of the cultural aspects of American life, while living with an American family and caring for their children. There are a lot of misconceptions associated with the au pair program. I hope to demystify them so you can make an informed childcare decision for your family. Myth: Au pairs are for the rich and famous Myth: Au pairs don’t want to work nights and weekends Myth: Au pairs are women Myth: Once an au pair arrives I am all alone in making it work. Myth: They let anyone on the Au Pair Program Myth: Not having a native speaker will affect my child’s language development Myth: Au Pairs act only as a babysitter Myth: Daycare, nannies, sitters are my only childcare options
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, an au pair may be the answer to your search for childcare. Families interested in learning more about au pair child care can call Sierra, Pennsylvania Development Director at 1-800-333-6056 ext 5575 or visit www.culturalcare.com/AFTH for additional information on the Cultural Care Au Pair program and for a $300 Adoptions from the Heart discount on au pair childcare. About Sierra Rix & Cultural Care Au Pair On Missing Teeth, and So Much More As for Maeve, she’s not yet welcomed this mysterious visitor. There’s been no flutter of wings that brush by her sleeping face or tiny bits of sparkle left behind on her pillow. And if her deeply rooted pearly whites are any indication, that visit isn’t on the Tooth Fairy’s itinerary anytime soon. (This, despite her pulling and pushing on each, sure that “this time” something’s come loose.) Inevitably these casual celebrations of coming of age turn to tallies – who’s lost how many and when. Then, as if on cue, comes the natural jump to tales of genetics: When Sally’s mom got – and lost – her first tooth, if Harry’s dad was in preschool or first grade when he lost his and whether his teeth came in early or late, and what all of this means for their progeny. At this point in the conversation, of course, there’s not much I can contribute. Spurred by maternal instinct, my mind wanders to my own childhood and tooth timeline in an effort to uncover some sort of predictor for Maeve. But in a flash I am back, a bit embarrassed I’d sort of forgotten about my path to parenthood and the lack of DNA threads tying Maeve and I together. There simply is no charted course we can follow as she nears these biology-based milestones. The truth is, of course, I never really forget. Not just because, as an adoptive mom and a wife to an adoptee, adoption has hugely impacted my life. No. I don’t forget because each day I am presented with yet another opportunity to see my daughter learn, struggle, celebrate, fail and overcome – and I know her first mother is missing it all. Sometimes I am there with tears of joy – seeing her dance her heart out in the year-end recital, graduate from kindergarten, earn her next karate belt with ease, or finally conquer the sight word that had eluded her. When Maeve left her training wheels in the dust, her eyes lit and my heart swelled. Still, whether celebrating or struggling, we are together and this could make it possible to “forget,” to consider myself and my carefully crafted family a whole unto itself – daily reminders like developmental milestones and medical history forms be damned. But the fact is, we are not whole. Maeve’s own story is missing key players. And because of that, our family’s cast of characters is not quite complete. At this time, contact with Maeve’s first mom B. is entirely in her control – her stepping back some time ago means we can only wait, our arms open and our hearts committed, for her to be ready. Honestly, it’s not an easy place to be. No matter how much I love Maeve, or how “perfectly” I try to love her, celebrate her and support her, I will never be her first mother, the woman who made her and brought her into this world. The world in which she now celebrates, struggles and finds herself landing in all the confusing places inbetween. And therein lies a loss that cannot be swept under the carpet or placed neatly into a box to rest on a forgotten shelf. As Maeve’s mom — but not her first mom — it’s a struggle: How can I make her feel whole when she has such a fundamental loss? I am all too aware that my very presence in her life is because someone else is absent. My mama role means ensuring my child is healthy, happy, generous and kind; that she is whole. The work to do that, of course, is monumental. It can be exhilarating and uplifting, it can be exhausting. Depends on the day. As we merged onto the highway after leaving this year’s adoption picnic, Maeve shared an observation from her perch in the backseat: “Hey, Mom? Dad? I didn’t see B. there.” No, Maeve, you didn’t. But oh how we wish you did. She could try to wiggle a tooth loose for you and share with you her own tooth timeline. She could hug you hard when you fall, try to make sense of confusion, twirl your curls around her own finger and clap as loudly as we do when you soar. We could all work on being whole together, in our own version of a family that makes sense for everyone. And it would be monumental. And exhilarating. And uplifting. And exhausting. But most of all, it would be amazing. Gretchen Boger-O'Bryan was placed with her daughter in July 2005 through Adoptions From The Heart. An editor and freelance writer, she has an adoption and first-time parenthood blog at www.mamagigi.wordpress.com. Reach her at mamagigi@comcast.net.
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Copyright 2008. Adpotions From the Heart is a licensed, non-profit, nonsectarian adoption agaency. Founded in 1985.
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